My daughter’s new baby has blown up my secret plans to leave vile husband
DEAR DEIDRE: FOR years I’ve been saving money in a secret account, ready to start a new life away from my vile husband.
But just as I was about to sign a contract for the lease on a lovely little flat in a nicer part of town, my daughter turned up in tears with her baby son in tow.
She is only 22 and her little boy is six months.
I knew she had an unsettled relationship with her boyfriend so I wasn’t surprised when she told me they had split up.
However, I was gutted because I knew her arrival meant I wouldn’t be able to move out as planned.
My husband has never treated me well – he puts me down, is jealous and never encourages me with anything.
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He constantly checks up on what I’m buying and lays into me verbally if I dare buy any new clothes or make-up, accusing me of flirting with imaginary men.
He’s a big drinker and gets particularly nasty after he’s been down the pub, accusing me of things I’d never dream of doing. I’m 48 and he’s 49.
I work as a care assistant and my salary goes into our joint account, which he controls.
But I also have a cleaning job and have been putting a little of that money into a secret savings account, all in preparation for my new life.
Now I’m wondering if I’ll ever manage to leave.
There is always something that seems to hold me back. I feel so low.#
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DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve done so well to save up the funds in order to move on and set out alone.
Your daughter has come home for some support at a difficult time and it’s natural that you will want to be there for her while she gets herself sorted.
But that doesn’t mean you have to abandon your plans entirely.
I’m sure your daughter will want her own space soon enough. If she needs somewhere to stay for longer, could you talk to her about moving in with you?
You do sound desperate to move so please talk to Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk) to ensure you can leave safely when you finally do get away.