Mum’s making excuses to not attend my wedding and criticises my weight
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I rang my mum to tell her I was getting married, the first thing she asked was: “Have you lost weight?”
I am 48 and my fiancé is 49. We have been together for 20 years but have only recently got round to planning our wedding.
There was always something else we had to pay for, so we kept putting it off.
Mum is 74 and has always had an uncanny knack of being able to knock the wind out of me.
She didn’t even say she was pleased for me.
Initially she said she was coming, but now she says the hotel venue is too expensive and she would struggle to find someone to look after her cat while she is away.
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I sent her a text asking her to reply to the invitation by the end of the week, but she hasn’t responded.
I feel upset and disappointed. I feel like giving up on her.
My fiancé says I should just move on and forget about her negativity.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds as though your mother has a narcissistic personality, making everything about her.
Her comment on your weight hurts but no matter what you say or do, she is unlikely to change.
You can only change the way you react.
See it as being less about you and more about her.
It may help to limit the contact you have with her.
Counselling could help you deal with this.