I’m a teacher – PTA WhatsApp groups are hotbeds for nasty gossip & there’s a request from wealthy mums I can’t stand
THEY are supposed to be the beating heart of a school – set up to help make it a better place for kids to learn.
But the reality of many Parent Teacher Associations can be very different.
Feuds over fundraising, squabbles over social events and catty comments in the WhatsApp group are all too common.
And it doesn’t end there.
As our secret teacher reveals, PTA groups can also be a hotbed of passion, with parent-teacher boundaries becoming increasingly blurred . . .
SECRET SMOOCH WITH BECKS LOOKALIKE
THE majority of parents involved with the PTA are mums, but dads sometimes get involved too. And there is the occasional very brave single dad who enters the fray.
Once, I took a fancy to an incredibly good-looking one — he was a dead ringer for David Beckham, but with a nice voice and cheeky sense of humour.
I’d always suggest we end the meeting in the pub and we were always the last ones to leave. One night, we ended up having a cheeky snog in the car park.
But the next day I had to teach his cocky 14-year-old son, which quickly made me realise that I didn’t want to be his stepmum any time soon.
So I called time on that ‘relationship’ and made sure I was never the last to leave again.
PARENT-TEACHER (CLOSE) RELATIONS
A LOT of parents agree to join the PTA with ulterior motives — they want their child to land the best part in the school play, or they’re angling for them to be a prefect.
We can see through you and it doesn’t work.
In fact, it will probably do more harm than good, because if you’re irritating and pushy, your child probably is, too.
But others have their own interests in mind. At one school, I had to organise fundraising parties and one mum had her eye on the sports teacher.
She managed to swap the usual disco theme for a salsa party and took dance lessons to impress him.
Come the night of the bash, it was like a scene out of Dirty Dancing — and the rumour was they spent the night together.
Let’s just say she was smiling the next day!
BEWARE SCARY QUEEN BEE
EVERY school has a queen bee — the blonde gym gear mum who likes to rule the PTA with an iron rod. Even the headteacher is terrified of her.
One queen bee’s daughter suddenly wasn’t the sportiest among her peers — the other girls had caught up with her — so she suggested we should no longer have sports day.
The year before, where her daughter was still the tallest and therefore the fastest, she had lobbied hard for cash prizes for the winners. She had clearly rallied the other mums ahead of the meeting to make sure they had her back. And they didn’t dare to disagree.
BITCHY SOCIAL MEDIA CHATS
IT only takes one mum in the WhatsApp group to cast doubt on a teacher before it stirs up a frenzy of speculation. Once, someone commented on how they found a male teacher a bit creepy. By the end of the day, the poor man was labelled a pervert who shouldn’t be around children.
Although I was involved as a parent, not a teacher, I ended up having a quiet word with the head. He took the guilty party to one side and made it clear her allegations could be considered libellous.
There are always bitchy WhatsApp exchanges between the mothers, too. Once, one formed a splinter group, so she and some other mums could slag off someone’s daughter.
Of course, someone messaged the main group by mistake and the mother whose daughter was being bitched about ended up leaving. Ouch.
WARRING MUMS
PTAs are different at every school, but on average there are around 15 parents in each.
Some mums are very keen and volunteer for everything. And they can be super-competitive. From bringing cakes to meetings that would rival a Royal Wedding cake, to who can raise the most money, it’s a real battleground.
I remember the queen bee once getting angry after a well- connected mum outdid her by getting amazing prizes from local businesses — such as a luxury spa break — for the summer raffle.
Queenie congratulated her through clenched teeth, but looked like she’d just swallowed a wasp.
One year, after mock GCSE exam results were released, a particular PTA mum’s boy did surprisingly well. Fuming, another mum snidely asked for the name of the tutor she had “clearly” used. Hilarious.
POSH PARENTS WHO HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE
THERE are some mothers — usually the queen bee and her acolytes — who have far too much time on their hands. They are usually wealthier than some of the other parents, and simply haven’t got a clue. As hard-working teachers, it can be sickening to watch a mum who’s lucky enough not to need to work, coming up with ridiculous ideas that we know the majority of our parents can’t afford or don’t have time to do.
It can be anything from “Let’s all take the day off to tidy up the school playing field” to “Why don’t we organise a school trip to India?”
They don’t seem to realise it would cost a fortune and be completely out of the question for all but the tiniest minority.
The ignorance is sometimes breathtaking.
THOSE WHO CAN’T LET GO
SOME mums are so obsessed with being part of the PTA, they don’t want to leave. In one, the woman in charge was so desperate to stay that she made up a new rule, saying that even when your child leaves school, you can stay involved for another year.
Another mum even wanted to meet during the holidays, to “keep the momentum going”. No thanks. I’m in my 17-year-old daughter’s PTA and I’m so relieved it’s moved to Zoom, so all I need to do is stay awake.
BACK OFF, BAKE ON…
THE unpalatable truth for many parents is that, although the PTA is supposed to be a way for parents to air their views, they’re often not taken into consideration at all.
That’s because, on many occasions, the school staff have already worked out exactly what they’re going to do before the meeting.
For example, we might consult parents on the school bus route — but we know that, in reality, all the mothers will only think of their own school run timings and not the bigger picture.
So unless there’s a really compelling argument, we won’t change it.
But we feel that we need to consult parents anyway — after all, we need to keep you sweet so you’ll get your bake on for the end of term cake sale and put up the tables at the school fete . . . sorry!